Book Review: (Un)kind: How ‘Be Kind’ Entrenches Sexism by Victoria Smith

 Victoria Smith’s (Un)kind: How ‘Be Kind’ Entrenches Sexism is a sharp and unflinching critique of modern gender politics, particularly the way in which the seemingly innocuous phrase "Be Kind" has been weaponized to silence women and reinforce traditional expectations of female subservience. Smith, a seasoned journalist and feminist writer, argues that the contemporary emphasis on kindness—especially within progressive discourse—often demands that women accommodate, appease, and self-sacrifice in ways that ultimately entrench rather than dismantle sexism.

At the heart of Smith’s argument is the observation that "kindness" is disproportionately expected of women, particularly when navigating issues of gender identity, male violence, and societal expectations. She explores how calls for civility and compassion frequently become tools to police women’s speech, discourage dissent, and sideline difficult conversations about power imbalances. Drawing on historical context, cultural analysis, and contemporary debates—especially around gender-critical feminism—Smith exposes how the rhetoric of kindness has been co-opted to pressure women into prioritizing male feelings over their own rights and safety.

Smith writes with a blend of wit, frustration, and clarity, making her case forcefully without descending into cynicism. She is particularly incisive when discussing the double standards applied to women’s anger and the ways in which modern feminism, rather than challenging these expectations, has often reinforced them under the guise of inclusivity and tolerance. She does not shy away from controversial topics, particularly the tensions between gender-critical feminists and trans activism, but her primary focus remains on how women—particularly older women—are coerced into silence through social expectations of niceness.

One of the book’s most compelling aspects is its examination of generational divides within feminism. Smith highlights how younger, social media-driven activism often demands an unquestioning adherence to progressive orthodoxies, while older feminists who challenge these narratives are dismissed as unkind, outdated, or even hateful. This generational tension, she argues, has contributed to a broader erosion of women’s ability to assert boundaries and advocate for themselves without facing accusations of cruelty.

Critics of Smith’s perspective may argue that she overstates the dangers of "Be Kind" rhetoric or that she does not adequately consider the importance of genuine compassion in political discourse. However, she anticipates these objections and makes a convincing case that kindness, when selectively applied as a means of enforcing conformity, is not really kindness at all but a form of control.

(Un)kind is an essential read for anyone interested in contemporary feminism, free speech, and the cultural dynamics shaping modern gender debates. Smith’s insights challenge readers to rethink what it means to be "kind" and whether that demand, as it is currently wielded, truly serves the interests of women. Whether one agrees with all of her conclusions or not, her analysis is an important contribution to the conversation about power, gender, and the politics of language.